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I grew up in a religious and overbearing family. It was also the fledgling stages of my school districts special education program that began my alienation. It was quite immediate for all of us going through the program. I was targeted by older kids and beaten up daily, most often more than one kid at a time. The school never believed me but always listened to the others that were kicking the shit out of me. The school told my parents I was a liar and clumsy and would fall down and get my bruises that way. My parents would make me pray and they called hitting me my repentance for lying. I was in a smaller school district so I was with the same students from day one till graduation. In 6th grade I joined the wrestling team and the coach was told who I was by older students and immediately decided he didn't like me nor want me on his team. He had much larger and older students the first day of practice slam me, throw me and fold and bend me. I was forced into a football locker which is much larger and they locked me in. More than half of the team took turns peeing on me. The lights were then turned off and it was hours before the police arrived with my parents. My parents thought I did it as a stunt for popularity. I was made to pray and was beaten by my mother and father I spent the next three years with no friends in jr. High and made it to high school. It was interesting how I would lose students that would screw with me only to move into the next school to see them again. That terrified me. I was tormented throughout my first year with three years of upperclass students. I was humiliated, especially in gym class, in front of large groups seeing that I was NOT athletic yet. I was depantsed, had my books smacked out of my hands and kicked down the hall. My lunch would be ripped away from me and thrown against a wall. Never once! Did a teacher EVER do anything to stop it or interfere. They made me the angriest, I hated them the most. I remember in shop class one of the football coaches would substitute for our shop teacher as so we had many football players and jocks in that class. My project was a tool box and I had to spot weld sheet metal which would glow red hot. I remember a guy next to the spot-welder that was exceptionally cruel to me, he was kneeling down with his back to me. I heated up my sheet metal tray for my tool box glowing orange and I walked up behind him and pressed the metal against his ear. He screamed and pulled away and he fell. I fell on top of him and kept pressing the metal to his ear and I for some reason loved how he screamed. The sizzle of his skin and the smell of it burning after so many years of abuse... pure pleasure. I had burnt his ear away completely.
At that time in my life I wasn't old enough to buy weapons. I didn't form a plan yet. I remember thinking one day about suicide. I figured if l'm gonna do this to myself I want to hurt the people that were fucking with me for so many years before I die. I knew who would be in the locker room and where in the morning, I would lock the back entrance after I went in and lock the other doors. It was all concrete and no one hear anything in there. I wanted to kill three of my classmates and two teachers, then I was going to go to the lunch room and go after four more. I knew where everyone would run to and they would have been easy to hit running from me in the narrow space. I had a plan to kill 14 students and close to a dozen faculty. I honestly don't think many would have escaped.
No. I took everything to school with me the night before and hid most of it in some bushes next to the rear locker room entrance. I walked to school with my blades in a backpack that day. I saw a girl that morning. She was never mean towards me. She asked me to follow her. We went to the piano behind the stage in our auditorium. She played für elise for me. She knew my grandmother used to play it for me. It made me not want to hurt anyone. I remember thinking about her getting in the way of other students. I would have hurt her too in the process and I was fine with it until then.
Realistically? Humans are assholes and are barely worth the flesh they're printed on. Human life, is precious. Dont let your anger become what you are. There is always somebody somewhere that cares. There, that's a bit more "fitting", don't you think?
I hate everyone and I regret not hurting those people everyday. I've since high school found some of them and we fought, I won. Some killed themselves, four died of cancer and I literally pissed on their graves.
Humans disgust me at almost all levels. Other than my two sons, l'd rather watch everybody drown. Fuck'em all. I remember smiling when the news of columbine came out and guys in my platoon, telling me I was sick and I enjoyed my job too much. They were soft. If I can't fuck you or eat you, I have no use for humans.
Why did they do it = human nature's natural self defense instinct. They were lost children, children who's parents failed them! Their school failed them! Their families failed them! All they had were each other. They were scared, Ionely, hurting, filled with rage one can taste!!! Can anyone blame them? They killed themselves out of the
fact that they were in SO MUCH PAIN! They didn't want to die... they wanted the pain to go away.
They hated the students.
And not just the school system.
They hated the building.
The pipes and wires, God damn it.
Put THAT on your damned page.
"Nothing like Son of Sam so please understand
there's no gun in hand"
"Escaping me, no dice, you see, I might just be
"Richard Ramirez is here
Serial killin' every beat there is, but wait"
"But I tell a bitch l'll marry her, if she'll bury her
Face on my genital area, the original Richard
"And be calm or bring drama, a step beyond of
"Man, I don't see why they hate me
I'm a clown like John Wayne Gacy"
“I did find myself watching a lot of documentaries on serial killers, I mean, I always had a thing for them. I’ve always been intrigued by them and I found that watching movies about killers sparked something in me. The way a serial killer’s mind works, just the psychology of them is pretty fucking crazy. I was definitely inspired by that, but most of the album’s imagery came from my own mind.”
“That Columbine shit is so fucking touchy. As much sympathy as we give the Columbine shootings, nobody ever looked at it from the fuckin’ point of view of the kids who were bullied—I mean, they took their own fucking life! And it was because they were pushed so far to the fucking edge that they were fucking so mad. I’ve been that mad.”
I’ll take seven kids from Columbine
Put ‘em all in a line, add an AK-47, a revolver and a 9
White America, I could be one of your kids
White America, little Eric looks just like this
I take seven [kids] from [Columbine]
Stand ‘em all in line, add an AK-47, a revolver, a 9
A MAC-11 and it oughta solve the problem of mine
And that’s a whole school of bullies shot up all at one time
Came home and somebody musta broke in the back window
And stole two loaded machine guns and both of my trenchcoats
Sick, sick dreams of picnic scenes
Two kids, sixteen, with M-16’s and ten clips each
And them shits reach through six kids each
When a dude’s getting bullied and shoots up his school
And they blame it on Marilyn and the heroin
Where were the parents at? And look where it’s at!
Middle America, now it’s a tragedy
Now it’s so sad to see, an upper-class city
Havin’ this happening
I've never heard someone talk about the Night Stalker as a person… until I found Leilani and Marquis, two close friends and penpals of him that decided to share their experience through this interview and the book "Letters from the Night Stalker: a decade's correspondence with Richard Ramirez."
Everyone talks about his crimes and how hard it was to understand him, but we can finally hear from two people that managed to create a strong bond with him and know the person behind the vicious crimes you've seen on the news.
Who was Richard Ramirez? Here's the answer.
Marquis, when did you decide to write a book about the Night Stalker and why?
Marquis: Well, it's something I thought about for a few years whilst corresponding with him but decided to bring it to fruition after he passed, as a tribute to our friendship.
Leilani, what do you think about the book? Is it a good read?
Leilani: My opinion on the book "Letters from the Night Stalker"... It is a great read for all those who want an unbiased view into Richard's personality, told in a truthful manner and in an easy way that the reader can understand. It is focused only on Richard, his ways, thoughts and feelings but also shows us the thoughts and feelings of the author while communicating with Richard. It gives us an insight of how Richard felt confined into that small cubicle away from the rest of the world, but it also shows us that just like every single one of us, he was above all, a human being, with a beating heart, red blood and strong emotions, capable of forming bonds and friendships, unlike many people say, describing him as a monster. In those letters, we don't see a monster. We see a human being, shut away from the world.
Marquis, in your book, you often talk about your obsession and your interest in Ramirez. Is it because you understood him? Did you feel a connection with him? Were you simply curious about his sophisticated mind?
Marquis: What initially drew me to him was his charisma and defiance. Other serial killers come across as really boring people, but he had this element of showmanship about him... And I could certainly relate to those traits.
How about you, Leilani? How did you develop your interest in Ramirez? How did it start and why?
Leilani: My interest in Richard! Wow. I will have to go back to my childhood here! To start with, I have always been that type of observant person, looking at people, studying them. Not in a judging way, I will have to say. I never judge anyone, for judgement is what can destroy a human being. Until I've walked in people's shoes, I reserve myself the right of not judging. But, anyway, I was very young when I first saw Richard Ramirez. As many might know, I come from Portugal. At that time, Richard was all over the news practically everywhere in the world. Portugal wasn't an exception. I was just an 8-year-old child, who, as usual, was having her dinner with her parents while watching the evening news. I remember that as soon as I looked at Richard... well, I wasn't very sure what was going on and why, but seeing him entering a courtroom, immediately felt wrong to me. I couldn't help but keep looking at him, asking myself why he was there, and what he was doing there. I remember his face was right in my mind, but I was too young to understand why! I even remember having dropped my food on the floor, having been harshly scolded by my mom, but I simply wasn't listening! There was something about Richard, that even today remains a mystery as to why I was immediately attracted to him, especially, being still a young child at that time. Why did this happen? Difficult to explain. Even today, as an adult, it is still beyond my understanding the forces working behind the whole situation. The only thing I know is that since then, it was like... I don't know... maybe the right word was… a spell of some sort. Truly unexplainable! Meanwhile, years went by, and my interest in Richard and his case became stronger. By the time I first saw him and liked him immediately, I had no notion... I wasn't aware of what he was accused of, the case, etc. But as an inquisitive type of person I have always been, the older I grew, the more I wanted to know about Richard. I came to realize that many of his opinions, in my own opinion, are correct and I myself share his opinions. That, of course, only made the bond even stronger. A bond that would be meant to change the course of my life.
Do you share Ramirez's view of society and government?
Marquis: Well, I certainly share his views on the hypocritical moralistic dogma of this so-called civilized society, and that serial killers do what governments do on a grand scale. You need to look no further than the wholesale global slaughter throughout history - the atomic holocaust of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, the bombing of Dresden, Auschwitz, and the deluge of napalm that rained on Vietnam. All justified as 'casualties of war'. Killing is killing whether done for business or pleasure.
Leilani: Good question. And yes, I do. I absolutely do! No matter what Richard did, this doesn't mean he doesn't see the truth in front of his eyes. Just because he did whatever he did, this doesn't mean he didn't have wisdom to share with the world. Society murders itself in its thoughts and deeds. Humans are programmed for self-destruction and the destruction of others. It has always been like this since the beginning of human civilization. What Richard tried to say is that killing is always killing, no matter if you are a soldier, a civilian, poor, rich, black or white. There should be no privileges when it comes to killing. Killing is wrong and should be punished in the very same way, no matter who you are. I think this was greatly misinterpreted by the public in general, when Richard tells us that "Killing is killing, whether done for duty, profit or fun". This means, there is always one outcome only: Death, Murder. And there should be no differences when bringing people to justice for this wrong deed.
Is there something you can tell us about him that you think nobody knows? Did he confess any secret to you that you can tell us, or maybe any funny story?
Leilani: Music and the relationship with his cousin Miguel and dad Julian. I'm starting with music. His early tastes for music. It was Latino music. Chicano bands (the term "Chicano" is used for people of Mexican descent, born in the USA). Some of the bands, most people probably won't know as they were going around in the early '60s. Names like the "Sunny & The Sunglows", Trini Lopez, and later, the bands "Tierra" and "El Chicano", were some of his favorites when he was a child. Richard recalled he loved to dance to the sounds of Latin music. This obviously was unknown to me, I mean these bands and names, and I then researched about them, and I must say the sound is actually really nice. Need to cite the fact that at that time, I wasn't familiar with any Hispanic music of any sort. One of his best things was his sense of humor too! He would always try to make me laugh, no matter what, always trying to keep my spirits high, despite his own life situation! He was loving, very protective, kind. He was very well educated too, an avid reader, especially History, and some other topics such as philosophy, poetry, and other subjects that he would find stimulating for the mind. Now, the other topic he opened up about was the abuse he was subjected to when he was a teenager. Contrary to what people say and think, Richard didn't idolize his cousin. It was in fact the opposite. Richard was terrified of him since the very moment he killed Jessie, his wife. Richard said his cousin threatened him with killing him and making him disappear if he ever talked about it to his parents or anyone else. Now, this certainly left deep psychological wounds in a 12-year-old child. He never spoke of this for the fact that, as we all know, he didn't see any point in showing his fears or weaknesses to people. He didn't want to be seen as weak. He did put up a tough shell as a mechanism for hiding his deep fear. His father was another one. He profoundly affected Richard on an emotional level, where Richard was forced to witness his siblings being beaten and abused on a regular basis. He said that worse than himself being abused and beaten, was the fact of him not being able to protect his siblings, especially Rosa (a.k.a. Ruth), his sister with whom he had an extremely close relationship and bond. Also, he feared Ruben, one of his brothers, who was violent, used to bully Rosa, and later became also addicted to drugs. He recalls having been beaten up by Ruben at one point when he tried to intervene to stop Ruben from hitting Rosa. His life was mainly based on fear. He became a loner simply because no one cared. He was on his own. Also, our own relationship was very close when we were writing to one another. He usually didn't trust people so easily, but once you'd show him your loyalty, he would take your side, no matter what. Deep inside, he was mellow. He just wanted to be left alone. One funny situation Richard recalled was that one time when visiting Robert, one of his brothers… He messed up the dates, went to get the bus a day earlier, so he had to come back home again. LOL!
Marquis: Not so much secrets but he did tell me a few things about his childhood, such as him and his friends practicing hand to hand combat in his backyard and the first concert he attended was Black Sabbath, and that Pink Floyd's 'Dark Side Of The Moon' was one of his favorite albums.
What can you tell us about Richard's behavior and personality?
Marquis: His personality was very light-hearted and he had a strong sense of humor. Though he also had a very cheeky sexual demeanor about him. Every single letter, he'd request 'Pics of Chix' - at the beach, in bikinis or lingerie.
Leilani: Another good question. Richard was very weary of people. By observing his body language, it is easily seen that he had some sort of social anxiety. He wasn't a people person. His behavior here is a paradox. While he didn't like too much attention in many ways and wanted people to leave him alone, on the other hand, he also appreciated those who took the time to write to him and visited him. I think it would depend on how the person would present themselves to him. Richard could see through people. One of his best qualities that he perfected with the years. To those who trusted, he was warm-hearted, loyal, caring, loving, protective. Again, I myself had the privilege of experiencing this generous side of his personality. But again, I have also seen anger in his expression, even though it was just once. He was a very self-controlled individual. Detached from whatever people thought of him. And in a way, I have to agree that in some circumstances, sometimes this is the right way to act. Many times, I playfully say I wish I was like him in terms of self-control and calmness, since I am a little bit the opposite of him in this sense, which is not good. But there we go, we all have good and bad in us. A very human trait!!!
Some people define Ramirez as a heartless monster. Was he?
Marquis: Well he certainly didn't come across like that to me. He'd always ask how my friends and family were doing, even knew some by name. He even asked about dogs that I had, how they were doing!
How do you define him and how do you think he would define himself? Did he really try to put a tough mask in front of the cameras or was he really evil? Was he a monster?
Leilani: No, no and again, no. What is the concept of the word "monster" for people? No, there is no such thing as monsters. There are only horrible mistakes and deeds which can cost our lives and other people's lives! Who came up with the word "monster"? The Media! Sadly, the media is one of the most powerful tools in this society when it comes to indoctrinate and manipulate people into believing lies. Just because someone sees something as being true, this doesn't mean it is so. A lie becomes the truth from the moment people choose to believe it. And also another tactical attitude from the media is to keep repeating the words to the audience, no matter if it's true or not. This not only brainwashes those who will believe things from the outside, but will also destroy the target's capacity to defend themselves. Then both the society and the target are victims: society's victims of brainwashing and manipulation because they chose so, and targets victims of not only brainwashing but again also manipulation into thinking of themselves as others who are already brainwashed, judge them to be. If only the media was used in a credible, non-corrupt, interest-free manner… but well, this is just wishful thinking in this world we are living in! Richard himself... he was shy. Very shy. He never perceived himself as being good looking at all. He perceived himself as evil, as per other people's judgment. So he played along with it. Because you know, once your name and reputation are tainted... there is no way out. People are gonna talk, people are gonna think whatever they are gonna think and there is nothing you can do. In Richard's situation, he was cursed from the very beginning. Almost since birth. Nothing was ever easy for him in any way. However, about what happened... only Richard himself could answer about the crimes he was accused of. We only speculate! When I talk like this, I am by no means implying that I condone murder, if it was the case that Richard committed it. I do feel sad for the victims. I see it all as so unnecessary. Not only for the victims but also for Richard himself. Lives gone to waste here. Many do tend to think I am condoning or defending murder. Make no mistake! I never did, and I never will. It just so happens that I am seeing both sides here. People are just so quick to jump on others and judge for whatever reason. Richard put that tough shell on as a self-defense mechanism. Mind you, the environment where he was, was a violent one! Deep inside, Richard felt deep sorrow, emotional pain, loneliness, and even fear, uncertain of what could happen to him at any time. His own circle (family), and later the whole system and even those so-called fans failed him. While it is true that, if he killed, those victims didn't deserve to meet their demise in such a brutal way, it is also true that we need to understand what led the perpetrator to commit murder. In Richard's case... we see...we all know he was heavily addicted to cocaine at the time. For all those who know and all those who are learning about the topic... we do know for a fact that cocaine is a stimulant that can lead to psychosis, depending on the user's psyche. LSD (hallucinogens) has the same effect too! So, if Richard ever committed the crimes, my best bet would be blaming them on the drugs. Plus we all know that abuse can lead to mental health problems... and for those who have them, drugs are the last thing they should be consuming. These are undeniable facts. We see the type of person he was when he was clean of them! Now, still concerning this self-defense mechanism, I think people really fell in love with this false image and tough shell that they saw. It's somewhat empowering to rebel teenagers! The rock star image! Those indifferent looks as if nothing really affected him... Let's be honest, it is appealing! Another thing people need to understand is that just because I am saying that Richard Ramirez was good looking, this doesn't mean I condone the crimes, if he committed them. Good looking people can also be lethal at the end of the day, right?
Marquis, what inspired you to write the book, and how long did it take? Was it hard for you?
Marquis: The book came together very quickly as it was basically already written. All I had to do was put it into word format and gather the accompanying images. Probably the quickest book I've written. A mate of mine in Australia Morbid designed the front cover (that's his own blood on there by the way) and another mate Stoney designed the back and that was it. I decided it was time to tell the story of our correspondence and friendship. I wouldn't have done it whilst he was still alive as it would seem like I was exploiting him.
Why did you decide to share your secrets with the world? What is your connection with Richard and why do you think it's important that the world knows it?
Leilani: Well, first of all... I wasn't ready to share it earlier for very personal reasons. Richard and I became very close friends, and I definitely think this is very important to share so people's perception about Richard can slowly change by knowing more about his human side, the side that the media and even himself wanted to hide and people refuses to acknowledge, but that is crucial for them to realize that even though he might have done terrible things, he was still as much human like me, as you, as his haters, victims and the rest of the world.
Have you ever been afraid to talk about Ramirez? Many people feel strong hate toward the Night Stalker and you stated that he was your friend. Are you afraid that people won't accept the truth and verbally attack you? How do you feel when people attack you for considering Richard a friend and a nice person? What do you have to say to these people?
Leilani: Yes, I've been afraid, I confess! There have been moments! I need to mention here that the real threat came from my own mom, not so much from society itself. I have faced death twice due to my friendship with Richard. And I have also suffered death threats on the internet… and what for? Whether people will accept the truth and the facts as they are or not, that will be up to them. They were blessed with a conscience, empathy, and the free will to think for themselves since birth. So I am only responsible for what I am disclosing here, but I'm not responsible for the way people will understand it, believe it to be, etc. I personally would definitely appreciate it if those reading this could stop for a moment and reflect on it. For both sides! Not only the victims but Richard himself too. For one moment, put that fear and pride aside and think about this. You are not hurting anyone just for reflecting on it. How do I feel when people attack me and Richard? Sad. I genuinely feel sad to see the nature of people. The hateful side, the judgment, the harshness, the bitterness. And again I ask myself: what for? Richard is dead. Richard is gone. Their hate is not going to change anything. Their bitterness towards me isn't going to change the person I am but only speaks volumes of themselves. Why hating someone who has already gone? What is gained or learned from that? The answer is NOTHING. People react like this because in fact, Richard was a reflection of us all. A human with feelings. Just as he felt, so do we. People don't want to be compared to someone who committed terrible actions, but the fact is, as humans, this nature is present in us all. Yes, perhaps these people might have been abused and they didn't do whatever serial killers do, fair enough... I get that! But what they are forgetting is that every human being is different, every psyche is different and everyone reacts to trauma and abuse in a different way. That will also be fair to mention, like it or not. As for the instinct to kill... put it this way: If you are put in a situation of real danger, a life-threatening situation, where you'd be forced to kill in order to survive... would you allow the other person to kill you? In all honesty, I don't think so! No one would! Sure, that person would feel regret afterward, but he/she would still kill for survival. Killing is a basic instinct present in all living beings, from animals to human beings... which are also animals, even though rational. However, we bring that instinct with us even since the beginning of time, just the same as other species do. Now, we don't do it, because we think differently from other animal species, obviously, but still we have it! So why is this so difficult to acknowledge and understand in ourselves? Again, this is food for thought. We, the human species, are indeed intelligent, but then why can't we just understand these basics? Think and re-think about it. When Richard said that we all have in us the capacity to kill, he was right! He was referring to the basic/latent instinct present in the human species. He was not saying that people are all psychopaths! And in the end, is it not true? Humans are a self-destructive species by nature, as sad as it is to say!
Marquis: Afraid? Absolutely not. I told people of our correspondence when he was still alive and the only reactions I got were of curiosity and interest. I've never had anyone verbally attack me.
What is your message to the world? What do you want to make people understand through the story of you and Richard?
Marquis: I'm not really trying to send a message, just sharing my experiences. I am hoping that those who read the book will form their own opinions of Rick and not see him just how he was portrayed in the media.
Leilani: My message to the world about this...? My message to all those who are reading this? Say no to judgment and hatred. You gain nothing from these. As angry as you feel, things can't change. The world is made of this. Good and Evil (whatever the concept of evil might be). You can't pay evil with evil as much as you don't play good with evil… although some people do it, regrettably. Yes, Richard might have hurt many people. And we all know! No one is perfect! But would you think that hating him and insulting other people will change what happened? The tough fact is, it will never change anything. Why hating when you can just break the cycle, when you can make the difference? For those who will still think Richard was a "monster"... trust me when I say it: he had his regrets and he wished he had done things differently. Jail changes people. Now, hating on someone who has died isn't gonna change much, is it? Maybe it will make your egos feel better. Maybe you will think it will make you a better person for doing so... but sadly, it really doesn't. Just because I do have a different feeling or opinion from yours, this doesn't give you the right to hurt me, or to even wish me death, just the same I don't do, just because you may not agree with me. I think this is all I can say really.
Thank you so much for answering all the questions. I hope I didn't exhaust you because I also would like to know if you are working on any future project. Most importantly: how's your life going?
Marquis: Not at all! Thank you for the interview Lilith, it's much appreciated. And yes, I have a book coming out this year titled 'Devil's Disciples - Secret societies, historical tyrants, cults, killers and practitioners of the black arts.' It features Aleister Crowley, Rasputin, Charles Manson, Anton LaVey, Son of Sam and many more. I've also got another project in the works which I can't say too much about but it's in the form of a documentary series based on one of my previous books - Eerie Planet - A Pictorial Study of Some of the Darkest Places In History. My friend and partner in crime Leilani Ramirez will be on board with that one too. I'm doing fine Lilith, thanks for asking! Hope you're doing okay too!
Leilani: You're so welcome. It was my pleasure to be invited! It's an honor being able to do my part! I thank you myself. At the moment, no upcoming projects as such. I have been a bit busy even though we are going through some less favorable times due to lockdowns, thanks to this terrible and lethal COVID-19 virus. Which is not to say that I won't be participating in other upcoming projects in the future. Hopefully, this will happen. Let's hope for the best. I hope you and everyone else will stay safe in these terrible times. Thank you all for your time in reading this interview. Blessings.
Leilani, I have one last question for you. Well, it's more of a request.
Please, tell the world about your story: how Richard Ramirez, the Night Stalker, saved your life.
Leilani: Oh, that's one very long story! As I've mentioned, I have seen Richard for the first time when I was just 8. But in order to understand the whole situation and how Richard saved me from myself, I will have to go way back to where my whole story started! I have memories from as early as when I was 8 months old, something which is truly bizarre to start with. I was an only adopted child. Ever since I remember (but let's start since i was 2 years old), I have been victim of emotional, psychological, sexual, mental, verbal and physical abuse. My mother was pretty much like Richard's father. Sad but true. I was isolated to the point that I started preferring my own company, since that way no one would hurt me. I was isolated from friends by my mother, constantly beaten and getting death threats. It was a really complicated past. Nowadays, I came to terms with all that, and it's all good. But with the age of 3, I was one angry baby, beating all my kindergarten friends to the point of them coming out crying and yelling that I was "evil"! Abuse continued until later in life. By the time I first saw Richard, I was a total loner. Things got even worse when my mother realised that I "kinda" liked Richard. But she was like this every time I liked or showed sympathy towards someone. So it wasn't because of the fact that it was Richard. Still, the abuse got worse and worse. Nothing seemed to stop her. I took it all in… and looking back, I wonder how in hell did i keep my sanity! Years went by, I became an angry teenager, always mixing with the wrong crowd. Always involved in fights. I'm not a saint myself and I'm not going to say I was! Finally, the first time my mother tried to kill me, I was just 14. I was left in a hospital bed fighting for my life, but I fully recovered. I already had this dream of somehow being able to write to Richard. I don't know, I just really liked him and I figured I should try and know him, no matter what, for some reason! That dream was what kept me alive in the first place. Even now, when Richard still didn't know me in any way, he was already making the impossible to happen! Two years later… finally my dream came true. Joining forces with a schoolmate, me and her talked to her mother who happily decided to find out Richard's jail address. She was successful, and right there I find myself writing my first letter to him… although I never ever expected him to reply back. However, almost 3 weeks after sending him my letter, I received his reply! Of course all the mail was going to my schoolmate's address, because obviously my mom couldn't know about it. I was sure she would try to kill me again if she found out. My feelings when Richard's first letter arrived was of great happiness. Tears of happiness! Since then, things have happened spontaneously. Richard was always very very respectful to me. Very well and soft spoken. Curious about me. At that time, I hadn't told him what I was going through with my mother, because of talking to him. Until again, my mom tried to kill me for the second time. This, right when I was expected to write to Richard. Obviously, being left in the ICU of an hospital, I wasn't able to write to him, which surprisingly left him worried. So he sent another letter directed to my schoolmate's mother, asking if I was alright or what was happening. That was when he then found out what the problem was. She explained to him what happened and what I was going through. He sent her a photo of himself for her to give me when she went to visit me in hospital. The first time I opened my eyes,the first thing I saw was Richard's photo. Right there, I knew I had to write to him, but she told me not to worry because he was aware of what happened to me. He showed concern for me, and he was extremely worried about my condition. He requested my schoolmate's mother's phone number so he could call her and know how I was on a daily basis. Which he actually did, much to my surprise! My schoolmate's mother liked him very much for his caring attitude. She even told of a moment where he cried on the phone. This still stays with me to this day. I saw his photo and I knew I had to live for him. The first thing I did when I got discharged from the hospital was to write to him immediately! He was happy to hear from me again. The next day after receiving his letter back, he called on the phone. We had to make arrangements due to the time difference, but because my mother trusted my schoolmate's mother, I was allowed to be there, allowing me to be able to talk to Richard on the phone. He just seemed to want to make sure I was alright by hearing my voice. His voice was very mellow and loving. And that's when he then spoke of his own feelings about everything that happened. This after two years now of communication, in 1999, he spoke his own mind. He felt worried that the fact that we were communicating could put me in danger, given the fact that my mother had tried to kill me for the second time. I still remember his own words: "If something happens to you, I won't be able to live with my own conscience. I just want you to be safe. That needs to come first." In reality, he didn't want to stop talking to me, as much as I didn't either, but he felt it was the right thing to do. So our last phone calls were at the end of 1999. His words to me… were always present in my mind to this day, which saved me from a lot of trouble since I took them to heart. "Never be the first hitting, but if you have to fight, then fight to the end. Never give in. Never give up." "Always be yourself, and never put up with bullshit from anyone." "Always keep your chin up. Your pride is the most important thing you have. Never cry in front of strangers. Never show your true feelings. The people are like snakes. They turn on you. You are much above them." "Do what's right by yourself, and by others. Never disrespect unless you are forced to, or if others disrespect you." When I told him of my bottled up anger, finally he said: "Yes, it's in all of us... You will certainly get that split second of satisfaction, but in consequence of it, your whole life ruined. Never act on your anger. You will regret it later. Forgiveness is an art you must learn." And later… his last words… for what I could sense, he seemed to be crying, and I started crying too. He said: "Now, live for me, please. I can't because I will be here for the rest of my life. But you are young. Go out there, give love, receive love, live for me, the time I will not get to live. I will be alright. You mean a lot to me and I love you. Always give the best of yourself and don't change. Thank you for everything, your time and your love." And with this, in tears, we hung up. Since then, I have changed... his words changed me. By then, I was involved with a gang. I got out. I left. I gave up on them. I was able to finish school and qualify in humanistic science (languages and sociology). Every time I was thinking of giving up, it was as if Richard's voice echoed in my ears. No, I couldn't just give up... I had made him a promise not to give up. And I haven't until today, and I will not, in the future. I am still here, and I will still be here living the years that Richard did not. This comes to show the human side of the man that society insists in calling a monster. A man that, even after his own death, they insist in crucifying and sacrificing for their own pleasure. I'm not a Christian... but I'm gonna mention a few facts here… Jesus has taught his followers to forgive. He himself forgave even the worst criminals, thieves, etc. Most people by majority are Christians but they don't seem to be adhering to this simple pillar of Christianity which is forgiveness. Society has been vicious, unforgiving, sadistic since the beginning of times and it appears to me that the true weather of it is just hateful and self-destructive. With all this, being Richard guilty or not... What lesson do we learn from this? People, please treat your children with respect, be there for them, teach them not to judge, don't be harsh, don't judge! Me myself, I have been abused and came out the other way unscathed, and Richard was there for me when no one else was, but what if he hasn't been? Guide your sons and daughters, love them when they deserve the less. I happened not to become a murderer or anything of that sort, thanks to Richard's wise advices! I had it in me and I acknowledge that! But I am here, right now, living my life normally, fighting, loving, and enjoying every single moment. Ao, before you call a human being a monster... please, count your blessings first, and all that you were not deprived of and the abuse you haven't suffered… thank the Universe instead for that, and be grateful for the lesson that we can learn from this human tragedy that was the case of the Night Stalker.
Thank you so much for this interview. I wish you the best!
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I'm not some sort of pacifist smoking weed day and night, but damn… peace and love are feelings that I can't even describe. I just know that I've never felt anything better, despite in my life I experienced all kinds of emotions. Trust me when I say that peace and love are pure bliss, just happiness, everything you'll ever want once you'll know it.
Hey, I've been stupid too and I made my mistakes, so I know that it's hard to believe me now that you're so frustrated. But give me a chance. Give this document a try to make your life better, you won't regret it.
Condone: accept (behaviour that is considered morally wrong or offensive).
Justify: to give or to be a good reason for.
I don't condone criminals' actions, but I justify them. If someone commits a gruesome crime, he must be very unhappy and know hate very well, and this makes him the first victim. 🖤
Of course, not everyone becomes a serial killer when he's unhappy, but don't say it like it's a justification to hate those who face their problems in a violent way: some people think it's the best way to do it, and insulting them and trying to hurt them back will just prove them that they are right and make them want to keep committing crimes. Hate doesn't solve hate. If they can’t help themselves, someone should help criminals. If we want to stop the hate, we shouldn’t keep hating who started to hate or we will just aliment the fire. 🖤
Important info: paraphilia is a sexual desire involving extreme or dangerous activities. It's a preference and it can be controlled as any kind of desire. If you don't like it, please, respect who has it and don't spread hate and false information about it (paraphilias are NOT diagnosable as mental illnesses, hybristophiliac women are NOT sick).
I'm not a hybristophiliac, but like any woman, I recognize that in nature we are attracted by the alpha man and often by his extreme actions to prove himself.
An Iranian man was sentenced to death for murder.
Usually, the victim's parents kick out the chair under the gallows to hang the criminal and complete the execution, but the victim's mother forgave the man and removed the noose from around his neck.
She didn't want the perpetrator's mother to experience the same grief of losing her son.
The mother of the criminal man hugged the mother of the victim and cried.
This story restored my faith in humanity.
This woman is an angel, a hero, and a great example for everyone.
People can be very evil, but if they are, it's because they've been victims first. If we keep hating because someone hurt us, then we will create a wave of hate that will get stronger and stronger until we won't be able to control it anymore.
Please, always be kind to everyone, forgive people for their mistakes, and teach love to the ones that know nothing but hate.
It's not just for the others, but for yourself too: living with your anger means living in the past, and wanting revenge will just hurt you more and make you eviler than the one you want to punish.
Thank you for reading, I hope this story helped you too!
Hate will create more hate, love will create more love. Hate may stop hate, love may stop the hate. Do you rather kill the killer or help the victim? I rather help the victim, and the killer is a victim too. It's about building and destroying: you can fix a brick wall before some old bricks make it fall, or you can pick those old bricks and make the wall fall. The wall will always need to be fixed from time to time, but making it fall makes damages, fixing it is better.
Anger is normal, but please, don't let hate born inside you while you are angry. If you can't handle the storm of feelings that is controlling you, ask for help from the people that love you. Revenge isn't a solution, it's the choice to continue a battle and create a war.
Don't be angry at people that let themselves feel hate. They just didn't find the support they needed. But we can stop this phenomenon with patience and love. Peace will be a consequence of our happiness.
It's all a consequence and nobody's fault, but we can change this with patience and love.
Criminals are humans.
Why do criminals hate?
We all feel anger and pain, and these two feelings can turn into a real deep feeling of hate. It's hard to fight hate in ourselves, I don't blame those who can't.
Criminals are the first victims.
A gruesome crime is the proof that a criminal learned to hate, he has been taught it instead of being loved, because we're born knowing how to share our love, not how to torture people. If a person learns it, everything around him must have been terrible. A truly happy person doesn't feel the need to hurt other people. No matter who the person is or what is his mental condition: no one is heartless and everyone deserves to be helped. Criminals have feelings and they don't feel good about what they do, unless they got used to it or they grew up in an environment that trained them to find happiness in other people's pain.
The human mind, as our body, tries to adapt to the surrounding. We change depending on how things are around us. If we are surrounded by horrible things that make us terribly unhappy or scared, our brain will drastically change us to like what we experience, so that we can survive to what we have to live and even appreciate that.
If you stay in the water for a long time, you can notice the skin on your finger wrinkles to have a better grip underwater.
If you haven't eaten for a long time and all you can eat is something disgusting, you will like it. If all you have around is pain and hate, then you will learn to enjoy it.
Trying to think like a criminal:
If society crosses the line, some people explode. You can't keep all the pain (that then turns into anger and then hate) inside forever.
Becoming evil can be a survival instinct. You should eliminate the problem because you can't hold it anymore, and often the problem is people. And you can't control your anger anymore, because society crossed the line.
Even the evilest man on Earth had someone that loved him, because no one is really evil and everyone loved at least once.
There's no nature vs nurture, it's always nurture. You can be born with some negative traits or violence in your DNA, but it can be controlled if you help these people.
Abandoning someone because is sick, calling him evil because you can't acknowledge he's sick, is truly evil.
For the law, if you are lucid and you knew what you did, you are sane. But being sick doesn't always mean talking nonsense and not understanding what people say and what you do. Imagine you're afraid of close spaces and you are locked in an elevator with someone. He tries to help you, but you panic and you beat him to death without remembering it. This would be considered a homicide. You can say whatever you want, you can say you're mentally ill, but no one will care, because the law has the same knowledge of psychology that we had in medieval times.
I hope the law will have a better understanding of psychology and consider people's feelings instead of judging objectively what's subjective.
The following statement isn't considerable for any kind of situation because it's too specific:
We aren't born evil, and we become evil when external factors drive us mad, and these factors are most of the time people. No one is perfect, and it's stupid to think it's all the killer's fault for his actions, because you are one of the people that created the killer if you knew him. And if you didn't create him, you didn't help him anyway. Or you ignored his pain, and ignore comes from ignorance, that means you may not even have noticed it, that doesn't make you innocent.
You can't blame a monster to be what you forced him to become. Recognize that some people are the result of society's mistakes. You can't blame a single individual for the evilness that more people created.
Criminals aren't monsters, they are humans. They can be weird kids, and we need to accept it, not mistreat them. They can become evil adults because they are weak and sick, but they deserve to be loved and not punished for something they couldn't control.
Criminals are humans.
What I learned in my life:
Love isn't liking someone. Love is a deep bond. Love is for who makes you live, even if it's your worst enemy. If someone can give you everything that nature can and do it, then it's love. I say it from experience. I love everyone, but I love my boyfriend this way and I spend my life with him because of this. True Love is a choice.
Hate is forbidden
Please, remember that insulting a person doesn't solve your problem and it can be dangerous. Always be nice and respectful to everyone, thanks.
Being polite and respectful is also a golden rule in this community. If you will be disrespectful to the members of this large family, its leaders, any victim of any crime or any criminal we talk about, you will be banned.
Did you know that it's easier to be happy when you have more love and less material things? Did you know that a rich man can buy a five-star dish and be unsatisfied and a poor kid can feel joy just devouring a piece of bread? One day that kid will want more, and the rich man will want more too… but the rich man will always find worse things to try than the ones he already tried, the kid will slowly grow to discover new awesome things. It's wonderful to aim at something, and to believe in something. It's a great feeling.
I hope you'll find a purpose and keep it in your heart for years until the end of your life. I hope you'll make the world a better place, and I hope you'll be loved by the people around you.
This is a family. If you feel lonely, text a member of this community! ❤
Art is art. Art is a subjective, sometimes distorted vision of reality. Art is always inevitably inspired by reality.
A fictional character is inspired by reality as much as an edit on a real individual is. Liking an actor or his character and liking a criminal is the same as long as you don't condone their actions. If you're talking about them, they are celebrities, they are infamous and you have the right to express your opinion about them and get inspired by them, their beauty, their personality, their actions and their ideals to make your art.
You can contact me directly in the community or writing an email to firstname.lastname@example.org